Apparently, the FAA has been attacked by another case of sleeping sickness. DC, Reno, Seattle, Lubbock and Knoxville were all reporting cases of sleeping-traffic-controller disease. The FAA says, put another controller in the tower, but I can think of a gazillion ways to prevent sleep:
1. Put newborn baby in tower
2. Leak the tower phone number to charitable tele-marketers.
3. Give the controllers a DHARMA like environment where they must push the button every 108 minutes or else the tower will blow.
4. Attach a mild electric shock to the air controller’s chair. If no one is answering the phone, activate the charge.
5. Every seventeen minutes play Crazy Bob’s furniture commercial at standard cable volume.
All of these solutions are inexpensive and effective, and today I’m announcing the creation of my exploratory committee to run for President of the United States.
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